Manhood Made Simple

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Disclaimer: The techniques outlined in this book are not intended to cure, diagnose, treat or prevent any physical or mental diseases. This book is not intended as a substitute for regular medical care or the care of a psychotherapist or psychologist. The reader assumes all liability and risks for partaking in any or all of the practices described in this book.

How to Read this Book

Read all of it!

No, really.

Cultivating manhood is simple, but it is not easy. Even if you have already moved out of your parents’ house long ago, or if you’re married with children, you should read this book in its entirety. Manhood, as you’ll soon find out, is a process, and like all processes it is useful for you to know where you are in it. You can’t know where you are without first having an appreciation for where you’ve been. If you’ve already completed some of these steps, or if you’re just starting out on your journey, you’ll find it useful to read the entire book.

“The sexes are equal! Equality!”

We hear this over and over again. Of course, there is a distinction here between the idea that “men and women should have equal rights” versus “men and women are the same.” Men and women are not the same. Men have unique needs that are going unfulfilled in our modern world. This book is intended to reverse this trend. That is, only if you’re willing to do the work!

Manhood is initiatory, meaning that it requires a series of uncomfortable steps and challenges. With those challenges comes tremendous, transformational growth and alongside that growth will come “growing pains.” In that manner, we could also call manhood a journey, which is the road that you are now on.

Men need this initiatory journey; we do not become functional men without it. The female path is fluid and flexible. A woman can become an MMA fighter or a housewife. She could be a tomboy or traditionally feminine, none of these things will be of any detriment to her femininity, her womanhood. The male path however; is linear, rigid and very sensitive to change. All males need the same basic structure. If the proper inputs aren’t received at the correct developmental stages, the results will be disastrous.

I don’t need to tell you how toxic our society is to men. We’re called “toxic” just for having been born with a set of XY chromosomes. Postmodernism proposes that everything can be renamed and rejiggered, that “masculinity” is an arbitrary word that can be redefined an any which way we so choose. This line of thinking is evil, as it is what allowed dictators to rename and retitle murder as “ethnic cleansing” and other such things. I am not a Postmodernist, rather, I am a Valuist. I believe that things have a true value and a true meaning in the Mind of God, or the Logos, and words are reflections of those values.

Maleness and manhood are real, unchangeable things. Men are defined by their strength, adaptability, ruggedness, capacity for violence, self-discipline and independence. You cannot become a man if you are a “dependent,” may that be on your parents, the University system or your spouse. Men work, build, destroy and create. Men earn their sexual attractiveness by means of strengthening their bodies, increasing their wealth, and improving their position in social-dominance hierarchies.

WHAT IS MANHOOD?

Responsibility. The most empowering word in human existence. If you are flabby and unfit, you can take ownership of this issue and do what it takes to improve your physical fitness. You have the ability to choose your response, i.e., you use your “response-ability.” Responsibility is not the same thing as blame or fault. If you had a parent who ridiculed you to the point where you have feelings of toxic shame, and low self-esteem, that is NOT your fault. However, it is 100% your RESPONSIBILITY to fix your emotions and develop a positive self-image and cultivate self-esteem. Blame and Fault are disempowering. They are excuses. Responsibility is empowering and masculine. No matter what happened to you in the past, or what bad cards you were dealt, you are empowered to be able to choose your response. Take ownership of your problems and fix them.
Independence. You are not a man until you can stand on your own two feet. If you are living off of government loans and partying your life away in the University system, you are not a man yet. If you are living with your parents, you are not a man yet. The same is true if you need to ask your wife if you’re allowed to play poker with your friends. A man is fully autonomous and independent. If he has a partner, she needs to respect his independence. Any good woman will enjoy that about him, and will not confront his independence with control, possessiveness or jealousy. This independence also relates to his internalized thought processes and emotions. A man doesn’t have to cry just because his wife or mother is crying. He has an independent frame of mind. He asks himself “is this really what I want,” and “is this really how I feel? What do I really think and how do I really feel about this?”
Capacity for Violence. Now for the not-so politically correct stuff (what good has all of this P.C. crap done for anybody anyway?) Males are more violent than females. Men compete for dominance and resources. Men compete just for the sake of competing, may that be in mixed martial-arts, swimming, weightlifting, war or chess. No, I am not advocating that anyone use violence on anybody in an unlawful way. What I am saying is that, like it or not, if you are a man, then you have the capacity to do violence. It is just a part of being male. This is what Jung and (later) Dr. Jordan Peterson call the “shadow” or “dark side.” If you have integrated your shadow, then you are a man, because you have embraced that part of your nature. If you have accepted your inert, very male capacity to do violence, then you can control it better. You will live a more peaceable and enjoyable life. People will be more likely to respect you and respect your boundaries. When somebody calls you a name or tries to take advantage of you, you see that as an entry point on a sliding scale of conflict and violence. “Hey, knock that off – don’t talk to me that way again!” you’ll say. You do so because you acknowledge the reality of interpersonal dynamics – people will push you, and it is important to be able to push back appropriately without over OR under-reacting. Here’s something else that might blow your mind: when a woman looks at a guy with big muscles and a chiseled physique, or he has more tattoos than someone serving a life-sentence, she is responding to his physical display of his capacity to do violence. This is what makes a guy “hot” in a woman’s eyes. We men might see a guy who is bigger and stronger than us and feel intimidated, but women respond with arousal. A man is partially defined by his capacity to do violence. This is as true in your business endeavors as it is in the gym. It is true when you’re sticking up for yourself in a verbal disagreement and is true when you have to crush a mugger’s throat with your elbow in self-defense. A man isn’t a man until he is aware of the fact that, to his core, he is a violent creature. Controlling that nature is a matter of…
Discipline. You don’t need to have served in the military to know that the military is a masculine institution. It is a patriarchal structure that provides for initiation, male bonding, responsibility, independence, and – least we forget – the whole thing is wrapped up in learning how to fight and kill people for defense of home and country (capacity for violence). Not all of us are well-suited to be soldiers (I’m not) and that’s a good thing, since we should all exist to express ourselves via our strengths. It doesn’t do me or the military any good if a born-to-be artist and philosopher joins the military. That would just lead to unwritten books and a crappy soldier. However, we should create a military mindset for ourselves. Obsessing over pornography or indulging in other addictions is emasculating. Zoning out in front of your phone for hours per day is emasculating. Letting your life slip by you while having no plan for yourself is emasculating. Letting your mother, wife or girlfriend control and manipulate you is emasculating. Working your plan is masculine. Having a plan for your mind, your body and your financial life is masculine. Men take charge. Men have a plan and work their plan. That’s discipline!

Now for the REALLY good stuff. Continue on…

Next Chapter: Move On, Move Out!